I bought a new cell phone today.
I shut my old flip phone in the car door a while back. I didn’t kill it completely. I just maimed it a bit. It was tricky. I let it drop in that dark, unreachable space near the seat. Then, I slammed the door.
The outside LED screen morphed from informational to artistic. I never knew who was calling, but I always had an interesting leaf-like blob to view. Still, every time the phone rang I broke out in a sweat. I hated ignoring anyone trying to reach me. But I didn’t like the unknown. I needed caller ID.
So, I walked into the store today and said I’d like a new phone. The saleswoman mentioned I might be eligible for an upgrade.
“Great!” I smiled. Something fancy, I hoped.
I put my phone on her desk. She looked at the phone. She looked at me. She checked the computer.
“Oh, yeah,” she huffed. “You’re definitely eligible.”
I aged several years right then and there. Am I that out of date?
She guided me to the wall of phones. I saw one flip and ignored it completely. I will not be mocked twice, I thought.
I picked a slide.
A sleek, green, cosmopolitan slide. Sort of like the way I feel, minus the green.
They’re good, those cell phone companies. All I needed was a new phone to upgrade my self-image. So smooth. So simple. So 21st century.